Reply
by glasswrks
Summary: JJ delivers a letter to Emily prior to her return to the States. Rated M for one word and context, not contents. Implied f/f relationship. I've read a few of these stories and decided to dip my toe in the water. One shot. Like it/hate it. Would like to know. Thanks.


**Title:** Reply

**Author:** glasswrks

**Copyright:** July 1, 2012

**Rating:** US (M – for one word and context)

**Show Disclaimer:** The characters from "Criminal Minds" were created by Jeff Davis. The following companies produce the show: Touchstone/CBS Paramount Network Television, The Mark Gordon Company, ABC Studios and Paramount Network Television. The Executive - Co-Executive producers are: Gigi Coello-Bannon, Deborah Spero, Edward Allen Bernero, Debra J. Fisher, Mark Gordon and Jeff Davis.

**Author's Disclaimer:** Let's face it, I don't own "Criminal Minds" or any of the characters, back story, etc. I'm not making a cent from it - if I did, I'd buy a new computer and some other things. The story; along with any original characters are mine though I think; pesky copyright laws.

**Author's Notes:** This is a little something that popped into my head while reading this afternoon. This takes place before Emily comes back. Like it or hate it, let me know.

* * *

"I didn't think you were going to make it."

JJ sat down only after making sure see had not seen anyone following her. "I wasn't sure either, Will…"

A hand reached out, "Its okay, I'm sorry."

JJ shook her head, "It is fine. He doesn't like the trips but he understands its part of the job." She sighed internally once again wondering if the plan she and Hotch had agreed to was really the right one.

She immediately quashed that thought.

If the plan had not been made, there was no guarantee that the empty coffin they had buried all those months ago would not have had Emily's body.

Declan was still out there.

Emily was safe because he thought she had died in the warehouse.

"Enough about me, how are you holding up? Do you need anything?" she asked.

Emily Prentiss, now Madelyn Packard stared back at her best friend. She knew keeping the secret from her friends; her family at the BAU was difficult. She never knew it would hurt so much.

"I need to go home... yeah, I know," she held up her hand to forestall JJ's objections. "I can't go home until we've got Declan in custody."

"Em… Madelyn, you know if he finds out you're alive, you'll never have a moments peace. He'll have you hunted down. You can't live like that."

"I don't call this living and it's not peaceful. I haven't been sleeping well. I miss... everyone."

JJ nodded.

Emily had not seen the aftermath of her "death." As soon as the physician's said she was stable enough for travel she was whisked off to Paris and given her new identity.

She rarely left the apartment they had set her up in and if she did, it was at night. She never came back to the apartment the same way, she always changed her route.

In other circumstances she might have enjoyed the sites of the city, but she was not here on vacation she was hiding for her life.

There wasn't anyone waiting for her when she got "home", not even Sergio, her cat. It wasn't always that way.

"Is she okay?" Emily asked fearing the answer.

JJ looked down at her hands. Emily always asked the same question and there was no other answer to give.

"No, but she's trying," she paused. "There, there are times when she almost seems herself, but Em...Madelyn, she was... is devastated. You can't change that. Even if you were to come home…"

Emily felt her heart clench in her chest. Of all the people who had been hurt by the deception, Penelope had taken it hardest.

"I don't know how much longer I can do this," Emily whispered, her voice breaking.

JJ was the only one who had known about the relationship Emily had had with Penelope. It was one of the reasons she had finally agreed with the plan in the first place.

Emily had vehemently argued against it and it only took JJ's entreaty to make her see it was for the best.

"_If you stay, Pen won't hide her feelings for you any longer. She'll become a target and you know her, she won't back down. You couldn't push her away if you tried. If he finds out…"_

"_Okay, okay… I'll do it."_

In the end, the entire BAU family realized the depths of Penelope's feelings towards Emily.

She was inconsolable.

Not even Morgan could help her through her grief.

This was a blow for him.

He had told JJ, "I've let her down."

"You haven't Morgan..."

"I can't reach her JJ…"

"Morgan, just hang in there. Be there for her. Be the rock she relies on to keep her grounded. She needs you to be strong for her when she can't be."

* * *

"I miss her so much..."

JJ let go of Emily's hand and reached into her purse. She took out an envelope and slid it over to Emily.

"What's this?"

"It's from Garcia."

"What!" Emily sat up and pulled away. "Does she know I'm alive?"

"No."

"Then what the Hell is this?"

JJ looked at the panic expression on Emily's face. She was not sure this was the wisest thing to do, but JJ knew it had to be done. "Garcie… she told me she's written you letters…"

"I don't understand."

"She said it was the only way she could cope. She doesn't know I took it," JJ explained. She glanced at her watch she had been here too long.

Emily noticed the behavior, "You'd better go."

"I'm sorry... I…"

"It's okay JJ. It's too dangerous for you to be here any longer. Thanks."

They stood up and embraced.

"I love you."

"I love you too, we all do," she replied. "Here," she took another envelope out of her purse. "Open this after you've read her letter." JJ pressed a kiss onto Emily's cheek.

"Okay." She watched as her friend, her dearest friend walked out of her life once more. She knew she probably would not see her again for months unless Declan was caught. She gingerly picked up the letter and looked at it, seeing the familiar writing made her question her decision once more.

She tossed enough Euros on the table to cover the tab and left. It took her a good hour to get home.

She walked up the steps and checked to see if the door had been tampered with. Only then did she slide the key into the lock and step inside. She went around the apartment checking each entry point and did not see any indications that someone had been inside.

She flung her coat on the back of the chair and sat down.

Emily took the letter out and stared at it. A bittersweet smile appeared on her face. She wanted to know what Penelope had written, but she could not stand to read the pain she knew would be there.

She tossed it onto the coffee table and left the room.

'_Coward,'_ she heard herself say.

Emily had stared at the letter during dinner. Every time she looked away only a moment would pass before she found herself staring at it again.

She took the bottle of wine she had been drinking into the living room with her.

She sat down.

Emily took a healthy swig straight from the bottle, before putting it next to the letter.

"Fuck it," she muttered to herself, unable to ignore the letter any longer.

She picked it up, looked at her name once more prior to opening it.

Taking a deep breath, and another drink, she unfolded the pages and began to read.

Emily was barely able to finish it through the tears she could not stop from falling.

She hugged her knees close to her body and rocked back and forth. Her sobs were the only sound in the room.

As she read the letter, she could hear Penelope's voice in her head which made it altogether heart-wrenching and devastating.

* * *

_Sweetheart,_

_You've been_

_You've been gone for months now and I still don't believe it._

_Every morning I expect to wake-up and see you sleeping next to me. _

_You would have a smile on your face and I would wonder…_

_Were you thinking about what we had shared the night before?_

_Were you seeing our future?_

_One that will never be?_

_Will never be because you're not here?_

_I don't understand how my heart can still beat when half of it is missing. I thought about asking Genius, but it's not time._

_It's too soon._

_I can't talk about you without it hurting._

_They don't think I know that they are watching me, making sure I'm okay._

_They hover too much for me not to have noticed._

_But, that's what families do; the good ones at least, they care._

_They can't help me with this, no one can._

_They can't feel what I feel._

_And I miss you._

_I miss you so much._

_I never thought I could miss anyone as much as I do you._

_I_

_I think I miss you more than my parents._

_Does that make me a bad person?_

_I'm sure, I hope they would understand._

_I know they would keep an eye on you until we could be together._

_I'm sure my mom will tell you all my secrets, and you'll know me better than anyone else in the world._

_I want to call you_

_I want to share everything with you and I can't_

_And it hits me all over again._

_I will never hear your voice._

_I will never hear your gasps, your sighs._

_I will never feel your lips on mine._

_I will never hold you again._

_I don't know how to go on without you._

_How do I fill the gaping hole in my heart?_

_What do I do with the rings I bought?_

_The ones you didn't know about because I was waiting for the right moment._

_I was going to pull out all of the stops. Dinner, dancing, a bottle of the wine you love so much. A night of worshiping your body and when you were too exhausted to move, I was going to slip the ring on your finger and ask you to be mine always._

_Then we could share this with our friends and families._

_They wouldn't let me put the ring on your finger._

_I didn't get a chance to say goodbye and wait for me._

_They thought it would be better this way. To remember you full of live, love, not the cold empty shell that was left behind._

_I wear your ring on a chain close to my heart._

_I haven't had the courage to put mine on yet._

_You were my happily ever after, did you know that?_

_You were my one in a billion._

_And I can't see myself with anyone else, so, you'd better wait for me._

_Em_

_Tell me this is a nightmare, tell me I was in an accident and this is some kind of coma induced dream like they did on Dallas._

_Let me wake up and find you in the shower with steam rising from your body._

_Let me step inside._

_Let me love you always._

_Let me be the one you waited for._

_I love you Emily Prentiss._

_I love you._

_Always_

_Please be there when it's my time._

_Don't let my last sight be of your casket being lowered into the earth._

_Let there be more than this._

_Please._

_I don't think I could stand it if you weren't there with open arms._

_Waiting for me._

_Maybe…_

_Maybe my next letter will be filled with other things, how everyone is doing._

_I_

_I kiss your picture every night before I go to bed._

_I'm rambling now, but how can I think logically when you're not here to keep me on my toes._

_I'm lost._

_Find me in my dreams._

_Make my night bearable._

_Te amo tanto._

_I'm waiting for your reply._

_Penelope._

* * *

Emily blinked as the sun shone through the window. Her mouth was dry and she had a pounding headache.

She picked up Penelope's letter from the floor.

She put it back in the envelope and was going to put it away when she recalled JJ's letter.

She tore it open, she pulled the page out.

Plink.

She looked down.

"No."

She bent down and picked up a ring.

Emily knew what it was.

She read JJ's letter.

_Emily,_

_I'm sure by now you've read the letter Garcie wrote. Well, she told me about the rings, she showed them to me. This is not the one she picked, it's a duplicate. I had to think on my toes in order for her to let me take a picture of it. I'm sure she didn't believe me, but she still has the kindest heart that I know._

_Now, I did not read the letter. I just saw her playing with your ring while she wrote it. I made a wild guess. I hope I guessed right._

_Take care of yourself._

_We will bring you home, I promise._

_JJ_

Emily knew there was only one thing she could do. "I accept," she whispered as she slipped the ring on her finger. "I love you too."

The End.


End file.
